7-Minute Mom

Dear Ann Landers: Picky, Picky. I was putting a roast in the crockpot this morning and my 6 year-old ran into the kitchen and said, “I can’t eat that now.” Then the conversation really went downhill: (Me) Why can’t you eat it? (Him) Because I haven’t even had lunch yet. (Me) Well, it’s for dinner. (Him) Why are …you MAKING it now? (Me) Why are you CRYING about it now? (Him) Stomp, stomp. Geez! More crying.

Dear Ann Landers: I think I you need to pray for my soul. When explaining the elements of weather I might have told my 6 year-old that they are a result of God’s different bodily functions (burp=wind, etc). It really upset my daugher. She screamed at me the other day that, “God created nature, Mom. He didn’t just …have bad gas!” Pray people. . .

Dear Ann Landers: I was telling my 6-year old last night about how my office is gathering hair to send to the Gulf because there is a new technology that uses hair to soak up oil. Not 30 minutes later, I was shaving my legs in the tub and he came into chat and then proceeded to tell me that “I had enough hair on my legs to clean up AT LEAST half of the Gulf of Mexico.” Nice. Hmmmm.

Dear Ann Landers: SOMEONE might have told my 6-year old that when you call someone on Skype, the other person can smell things on their end. So, tonight he proceeded to pull down his shorts…and you can imagine the rest. Luckily, it was “almost a relative” on the other end (and we got it stopped before he approached the screen).

Dear O Should Know Fans –

Yes, I’m sure you have noticed that I’ve been an absentee blogger—something I had no intention of doing.  On March 26, I underwent back surgery and for some reason thought this would mean I’d be an “extra good” blogger.  The optimist I am, I just knew the recovery time would allow me to spew words galore.  And, with the help of the pain meds, the words would be extra witty and insightful.

Well, as you have seen—that was NOT the case.  Now, don’t think I didn’t do SOME blogging.  I did.  But, those words were not for publication (according to my husband).  He recommended that my drugged up prose was not for sharing.  And, looking back.. . .I’m glad I heeded his advice (for once).  My often-inappropriate voice become extra inappropriate—although, I’d have to say it was some of the funniest stuff I’d ever spewed.

Anyway, I’m back.  My surgery did not go as well planned in terms of recovery time.  And, I found out for the first time that ungodly pain in one part of your body affects all other parts of your body. . .especially your brain.

This past week was my first good week since the surgery.  I’m finally not regretful that I let someone slice open my body (only because I can feel part of my left foot—something I have not done since mid-December).

And, never fear. . .I did keep up with my fruits and vegetable pledge.  I was forced to skip a few days when I was hooked up to IV’s in the hospital, but someone brought me bottles of fruits and veggies that I could swig twice a day in a cool little shot glass.  No, it was not wine—it was something called MonaVie and it is said to give you all of your fruit and vegetable servings in these two shots (daily).   And, even though I’m not sure about the claims, I’d have to admit I sure have felt good since I started swigging away.

I also started drinking gallons of water every day as pain medication is like cement.  That is a DIRECT quote from my doctor (and, a complete understatement).  I learned my lesson the hard way (uhmmm, literally).

Tonight I’m all good.  Still recovering, but ready to get back after things related to my writing.   I also updated my “Dear Ann Landers” updates on the blog tonight.  I should have some amazing news soon that I’m hoping to share about a life-long goal and dream I’ve been chasing.  No, it’s not an appearance on Oprah (although that would be cool)—but it is something I’ve been working towards for the last couple of years.   O, the suspense. . .

Dear Ann Landers (& note to self): I am excited to see my 6 year-old so passionate about hockey, but I don’t think letting him sit so close to the ice at a hockey game is a good idea. Since the Friday night Steelheads game, he’s been mumbling over and over, “Hey, goalie. . .you suck.” It’s like a bad song stuck in the head. . . of a bad parent. Hmmm.

Dear Ann Landers: My 6-year old came and informed me that one of his little frogs died (appropriately named Mommy & Christian). I asked him how he knew the frog was dead and he went and flopped himself belly-up on the couch and said, “This is what he looked like mom. OBVIOUSLY he was dead.” Well, Ok then. . .

Dear Ann: I got in the tub tonight for a nice relaxing bath and felt well enough to break out the razor-something my legs and underarms have not seen since this back deal started. Just when I was so proud of myself, my 6-yr old saunters in (as I was getting to my underarms) and says to me, “MOM! What kind of girl does not shave her armpits!” I’ve got some work to do before that kid takes a wife or something. Sheesh!

Dear Ann Landers: My husband has been a God-send through this little “invalid period” I’m going through. I’m not going to say one thing to him about how maybe french fries don’t go with every meal, even if the kids say so and insist they are a healthy vegetable. Scrambled eggs and french fries…cereal and french fries. . .Hmmm.

Dear Ann Landers: In fun, I asked my son why he had so many cool freckles on his face. “In fun,” he then asked my what those two big, red freckles are on my nose. “In fun,” I ran to the bathroom and attempted to pop those two big, red freckles. No more fun. Hmmmmm.